LoOk RiGhT InSIdE

Resolutions

2011-05-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

Seems like a really really long time that I actually did blog this late at night after 2 years. At the same time, looking back at the previous post I wrote actually made me laugh at the stuff I wrote. Immature yet emo stuff. WELL, this time round, NO more EMO posts! From this moment on, this blog is going to be used for the sake of recording everyday lessons. Judging from the fact that it is really quiet here, it would be really useful for me to think about stuff and pen down my views respectively.

Since I have not spent any time doing anything about my life, I should really start now, from today onwards.

Lesson 1: Appearances do matter, yet one should never neglect the inner beauty
Honestly, since some time back, I have been pretty much into dressing myself properly, trying to make myself look better( for example, wearing contacts and so on), yet I have failed to realize that I still feel so lousy and empty. It was only till recently that I realized I had been so focused on the outside and completely forgotten about the inside. I have been living 21 years of my life, yet I have not really know anything much other than the things I study. Also, at the same time, even in the subjects I study, I am not actually good at them.

I have been spending so much time on useless entertainment and wasting all the precious time to play games. Yet whenever I am being scolded for spending so much time on those stuff, i could not be bothered to drag my lazy self to do anything more to change myself. This cant be the case anymore. I am no longer a teenager, I am almost a grown up now and there are many things I soon have to decide for myself. No more using luck to do things now. I need to BUCK UP on my knowledge and be SMARTER before entering uni and continue doing so.

Lesson 2: Be more mature and think sensibly before doing or saying things
Although few days back I told Sh that I should now be more sensible, yet I realized its still hard to control my behavior and my way of communication whenever I am excited. This is going to be very hard on my explosive nature and the way I interact with people. However, if I am to grow up to be a mature fine young man, I need to control my language, my volume and my behavior. I need to constantly remind myself my goal and try to reach them, not just empty promises like last time. JIA YOU, I can do it!

Lesson 3: I have many to learn and to continue to improve. To do it, I need to learn to prioritize
If my character and my knowledge is not even attractive and convincing enough for myself, how can I gain respect and acknowledgment from others. Today, at the party, I realize the girls are really grown up and intellectually better than me too( They are also better looking now), however I could not give excuses to myself saying that they mature faster than guys due to having their puberty earlier. It is my responsibility to learn to grow and mature faster than them. It is achievable yet I need to put in extra effort. Firstly, I must prioritize my stuff in the correct sequence.

My needs
Find out what I want to study and specialize in and do up research properly
Catch up with my studies which I let myself forget due to the two years in NS
Improve on my languages(English and Chinese vocabulary) and read newspapers
Study up on the politics and our culture in Singapore and improve on general knowledge
Exercise constantly to keep fit
Catch up on my piano skills whenever I have the times

My wants
Watch anime
Learn the correct ways of composing
Learn up Photoshop
Research on IT stuff and train up MS office skills
Going out with my friends
Socializing

I must learn how to put this all in action by coming up with a proper timeline.
Weekdays
6am- Wake up
6.30am- Jog
7.30am- Clean up and prepare for work
8am- Leave for work
8.30am to 5.45pm- Working, do my best to learn the rope right now. Do not slack so much and try to take more initiative to help them. If there is really spare time, read online articles to get general information, improve vocabulary, or improve language. Only when bored, then rest for half an hour to one hour with leisure.
5.45pm-7.30pm- Go home, eat, prepare for tuition
7.30pm-9.45pm- Tuition and go home
9.45pm-10pm- Bathe and prepare to sleep
10pm-11pm- Read newspapers and sleep latest by 11pm

I need to come back and update my weekend schedule, however, I should start with the weekday schedule and see how I should improve it. After that, I would do up the weekend one as well if it is working well. If any of my dear friends who read this, please help me work towards my goal together alright. THANKS, my friends and GOOD MORNING!!!

Birthday Wish

2009-10-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

Once again its been a long time since I ever blog, and slowly this blog is being slowly forgotten. Anyway, this is the way things normally are, aren't they? Why is this apparently so? Its better if people don't know anyway.

Just sang a birthday song for my dad, and he made a wish and blew the candle on it. A simple scene isnt it? But why is it the case I wished I was the one making the wish instead. I couldn't bring myself not to feel sad for a minute. To tell you the truth, I was the only one singing the song despite my whole family being there with me. Though I know what their individual reasons are, I cant help but feeling down. i sometimes admired how other families can have meals together happily, going out and having the best time of their lives. However, this seems just like a dream only for me. I dont need great meals at grand restaurants, what i need is a simple meal with everyone in the family feeling engaged with one another. We had spent time in restaurant eating good meals, however I felt that its a waste of money. Its not because I am being stingy or anything, it's because there's no use spending a single cent if we are paying to delude ourselves that we are happy being with each other.

Thinking back, my dad must have felt really awkward, trying to make the situation not to get worse by the minute. While he was blowing the candle, I could distinctively see the quiver of the flame for a short while. I can see that he wasnt in any kind of a good mood to make any form of wishes at that point of time. I sincerely hope I could make that wish at that point of time.

While others mainly post happy things on their post to attract views or attention, I post emo post on my blog. The reason is simple. I could not make myself collect so mnay negative thoughts inside me or I may break down from it. Thus, from time to time, I need to let my inner voice to be heard by someone. However, i dont want to do it directly, and that is why posting on the blog is the best form for throwing away of all negative thoughts.

It's really hard to put on a shell, a shell of happiness, or putting up a personality that is entirely not oneself to protect the true you. But I really dont know how to solve this problem by myself, however, I dont want to affect anyone else. It's easy to make lots of friends, however in this lot, I dont know how many will stillbe your true friends till the very end. If only one knew, isnt it a whole lot simpler.

Getting kind of late, guess I'll stop the post here... It's a new day tomorrow, new challenges ahead awiating everyone. We'll put all problems behind and get on with living life to the fullest. Jia you... :)

Paths Split

2009-06-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Well, once again, its been super long since i blog, so i decided to do it today. lifes very busy for the past few months, made new fren, had lots of fun with them while learning new things and such. the bonds forge are definitely stronger as we went through thick and thin. today marks the very first day where our path starts to split. while others seem pretty satisfies with their path, i wasnt, yet at that moment i need to pretend that i was.

had been struggling the whole day, trying to keep myself occupied so i would no think of it, but i was wrong. i felt worst. then, i decided to call sh to tell her how i feel, as she is a good listener. i know i seldom plan for things and dun really set goals. however this time round, i learn to set goals, however time and again, it fails me. when it fail, another hope came along, i grab hold of it. but in the end, it was all for nothing. whatever happen to you will get to your dreams if you set goals and work towards it. NO, thats bullshit, total BULLSHIT. wat i get to know is the higher the expectation, the greater the fall.

but thankful for farveen and sh, they come along and console a little, which make the whole thing a lot lighter. THANKS! however, it doesnt remove all the sadness though, hopefully, the SCAP outing tomorrow will make it a whole lot better... i miss all my frens and the fun we had together. relaly hope to catch up with you all soon. :) till then, take care alrights. sh take care of your health... mus recover faster...so can eat good food from new york new york and sing kbox...lol... finish watching BOYS OVER FLOWERS le... jun pyo is like SUPER HOT, yi jung is like HOT, GA-EUL is like DUPER DUPER DUPER HOT!!! WOOOOOOOO...lol

Long Long POST!!!

2009-02-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

lol...once again its have been a duper duper long time since i ever blog, and i am going to talk about the recent happenings of this current week or a few before. let us start with...

6th of Feb
in the afternoon, me, sh, and yb went over to cindy house to bai nian...lol i still remember i bring this super duper small orange to disturb her mum. she was so shocked to see the small orange, but she sort of accepted it..but i told her, no la, got some more, then i went over to take another two BIGGER oranges instead. so funny can. that time, sh wear till very pretty, yb also...cindy ar...she wear this cloth like material then we all say is sleeping gown. then she emo one corner,lol. but with a belt right, will be prettier la...can get bf instantly liao...(a lot ppl compliment her recently hor, so dun play play...). after tat, cindy went to work, and we went to kbox...quite (douglas, if you see this quite is like tat, not quiet)(and you miss all the fun...boooo) FUN... got to sing all my kone song and fir song....woo hoo...ljj song as well. then later we went to wiat for yb mum, took some picture then went home le... FUN day, with COOL people :)

7th of Feb
woo hoo, aft so much smsing and stuff, we finally agreed on coming to cineleisure to shop for my shoe with yan bing and douglas(new face here, short intro, introvert, korean looking, 20yo-looking 16 yo)(up for grabs for girls). we first meet up at HEEREN (not HMV ok, douglas rmb pls...make me super confused on how to go) so we tour at heeron then dun have, then we started touring at cineleisure...my gosh... its seem as though douglas was been forced to tag along cos he like very poor thing following behind. then i tried very hard to make him talk from cineleisure all the way to bugis, but to little avail. i almost went down to my knees can?lol but anyway, at cine, he is trying to get into the fitting room and spying there...super de funny...lol

at bugis we walk and walk and finally found this super nice sign and pathway to heaven, the toilet sign. without second thought we rush in. after that we went to look for yb shirt(blouse) then SUDDENLY douglas very enthu to speak...so interested immediately (see see, must be interested in her, she like you too as well...lol)...but after tat douglas more and more lame le...when i getting my shoe, he ask me get one and another with another design...lol then call me wear one then run to one exit..he take and run another. LOL... yb was so de entertained can. after that, met edward for dinner then eat DOUGLAS's FAVOURITE STEAMBOAT...(telling you de reason why i hate it suddenly later) then the atmosphere there is super de weird la can...lol...but its was quite fun overall...the way douglas eat is so de er...erm...ENRICHING XD... yb is quiet de whole time....mus be falling in love with douglas...edward was just eating his mee all the while...lol :)

Long and Packed Day

2009-01-18T09:30:00.000-08:00

today was working as usual....reach workplace at 9.30am, then i begin the normal routine of unpacking and stuff..set up...and finally it was done. make around 200plus in the afternoon and waiting pitifully for yanbing to come cos i really realli tired le...then at ard 2.30 she finally pop by and rescue me with her supplies of bread and tea ( one bread onli, but thanks a lot yb) then my shift is finally over, then i wait for my family to pop by to get some new year clothes. i went odwn to acc yb eat dinner then return to the handphone shop they were at. my brotehr wans to get a new phone...but i think its really not appropriate to get a new one, then i wanted to give him my phone and ask for two days while i get another phone for ns. he agreed, reluctantly, and also then, the family fought. after tat, a while later, the whole family went in separate ways. my brother went home, my dad follow him, my mum and i go and get other things. this is a real sad family isnt it? there is even so much troubles to bring us together as one....let alone solve the problems.

haha, then we went to get new year products, and get my new hp, lol SPH B200, some no cmaera phone la, not high end de...some blue shirt 'engineer' guy introduce de...lol...then after tat my mum went home while i WAIT for some engineer guy to end work...

then yb tell me tat ppl were saying tat i was the main person tat cause the dismissal of the 2 girls that work in opposite stalls as they talk to me very often, made me more disappointed than angry. just that i chose to reveal the angry side as it was more easy to manipulate. i mean like why am i been blame to be the cause of their dismissal? it make me feel realli bad about it.....its like i am harming them. but i didnt want to. so i guess i am going to be more of an introvert this last 6 days and not talk not so often to them lo. hiaz... i never talk to them as much as other wat....but why me...

then later meet up with engineer guy and must pretend be happi...but also tio bully... but he apologise and now ok le....quite ok la...but it like very ncie of him to treat me mcchicken :P and also thanks for offering to be an listening ear, mr engineer tong...lol

gtg now le...eye closing le...bb!

Prom!

2008-12-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since i blog and today i am going to blog about my BIG DAY - PROM!!!! actually i wasnt very ready or shld i say not very in the mood to go for prom, but i decided to throw it aside and just go with the flow. in the afternoon i went to get tie and scarf from alex, then i ate with him. right after that, i went straight to the hair shop and style my hair and temporary dye my hair. i was like very scared of the turnout but when the hair is done....i am like OMG....i LIKE IT A LOT!!! and guess wat, my hair is purple. similarly for sabestie, hers was too. ( dun you think we hav too much coincidence already?) it was a daring move of mine to choose to wear the scarf, well, much persuasion of course. but i was thinking, it was onli for a night, a night to remember. why not i try something daring, somthing that STANDS OUT! anyway, the girls' hair at my table was excellently done. cindy look like barbie doll, haha! sabrina hair was punkster style (i fell in love with her FOR THAT NITE:) ) pris hair was from a show i think then she keep want to take picture! lol!

the night was enjoyable....well majority of the fun was contributed by my fren at that table...super fun. you will never believe that i actually went on stage to sing hsm- breaking free. cos they are playing this game whereby they play a part of th song and you continue. i knew all the song yet i dun know the lyrics. however, i told my table if they play hsm song i will go up. and INDEED i did. :) was spamming lots of photos basically haha, then we went clubbing at butter factory later in the night...haha. its was super loud to the extent we alomost went deaf. sabestie was shy to dance at first. then later got songs she liked, she become the dancing machine and shake and shake till macham she not tired. cindy another one. lewis and wei ling(is it?) keep shaking at some place....scandal!! nat and andy was another one...lol... seok hoon was basically sitting down at one corner or driinking some ribena watever thing...haha... sh dance la.... it was super fun. after that i went to lewis house to stayover. we have a htht and went to sleep for 7hours, on SEPARATE BEDS... thanks lewis for letting me stay over!

i cant believe tat A's is finally over, that we do not nid to mug in the depths of our notes, and no more council meetings to attend to, no more banners to paint, no more gathering at canteen to talk to our hearts' content, no more events to cheer out loud, and no more dancing with my FAVOURITE DANCE PARTNER<> i cant forget the moments i spent each and everyone of the councillors, the dinners we shared, the moments we had, wow, time flies.

but one thing that will never change is my feeling for you all and the memories we had! ty everyone for the good times shared! :)

Prelims Ended

2008-09-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

well, i finally got some time where i can put aside to thrash out whatever i have in mind. lets start from Friday where the minute i rose from my bed and my arm got dislocated again as i pushed myself out of bed. with that surging pain, i try to push my hand back into location and lay soundly in bed, trying to overcome the pain. i tried to call many people but to no avail. i also called my mum, and she picked it up, now i really understand what they mean by parents will always be the first one to be there. :) love you!!! when for checkup and they refer me to specialist where i can see only after my gp paper next Monday. took the weekend to let my arm recover. so worried.

at Monday, after my gp paper( our hall is finally air-con), i went to my checkup. its realy spooky, i keep seeing the 44 number. at gp p1, when i saw the time it is 8.44. at gp p2, i saw the time 11.44. when i go for consultation at some medical centre. it was room 44. lol . also the attitude of the doctor to my mum was totally rude and i was thinking to myself, who the hell do she think she is. who is she to talk so sarcastically to my mum. i hate her man. at that moment i feel like thrashing at her with whatever language power i can garner, but i restrict myself. i should not stoop to her level. then after tat my mum and i go and eat and shop. :)

the prelims ended finally the week after tat, my bio paper was basically the last few to end, after that, i went to jog, then went to yew tee cc to play badminton, back to school for cip dry run. after that, i met my secondary school fren and went to cut hair. soon, we both left for home. somehow a fight occur and i decided to go out and have a walk to calm myself down. met up with pui sar and she comfort me a little.

saturday is cip, it was fun overall and tiring. went home to sleep after tat. woke up to eat, then soon, went back to sleep. oh my god, i am feeling so tired this few days, i even drank carlsberg to cool my body temperature down as i was suffering from slight sunburn from the hectic friday's blazing sunbath

X-ray

2008-09-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

I went to the polyclinic to check my bone structure with xray, cool man.... but when i am awake, i was happy to recieve sms form my frens. and i want to thank tun jiang for brightening up my day. sh for acc me to polyclinic, cindy for chatting on the phone with me...and yb for sms me.

after a long day, it was confirmed that my bone is ok..just nid to wait for it to recover. then also i also want to thank steven for concerning. With either lots of people or alone, today or yesterday, i am very happy that he did... THANKS AGAIN!!!

also, i want to thanks my meimei WENYAN for being here with me till erm, going to be 1 soon. i wnat to say that she is one person atht will be onlien when you nid her to be there unknowingly. THANKS for being there:)

Volleyball

2008-09-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, i woke up at like 10.30 in the morning with cindy screaming, well, not exactly screaming, into my ears, to call me to go to school. so i sorta pack my bag and was ready to leave the house when my mum called.

"Boy, you want me buy lunch a not"

then i answered her and ate my lunch when she returned home. she was like persuading me not to go, but i still go afterall. well, i should have listen to her.

at the patio, we were studying very hard. quite hard actually, but we decided to take a break and thus we went to the library, no, is the hall, wat am i talking. come on, its just a break right, how bad things can become?

ya, very very bad. it was really a break. a break in the sense where things come off with a sound like crack, bang or anything else awful for the ears. mine wasnt anything like that. mine came in the package of twist, turns and everything else.

the game progress, and reaching for the ball, hitting the ball, then there goes, i can feel the whole process happening. my arm twisting out of place, fitting into another place. next thing i know...i am out of the game at one side, agonised. straightening out my hand, i can feel it coming back into place. then when i tot is ok, i continued playing. trying to test whether my arm is in working order, i gave it an 360 degrees, which totally rioted against me by dislocating again. then i lay on the floor unable to move. straightening again, which sent it back to working order.

i return to patio to continue to do my work. then the 9th councillors come and persuaded me to see a doctor, which i rejected. kegan was practically reverse psychology on me to ask me to go, but still i did not succumb to it. but then, the guard chase us out of school. cindy offered to send me to jp....i am like no..cos it is damn far from her house. then, timo and eric acc me to chinese garden to wait for my mum whom brought me to see my sinseh to relocate my arm.

oh my, the 10 minutes were the worst day of my life. first , he drag my hand here and there...making it feel so unbearable and he let me rest. then when i recover, he bent my hand backwards, sending me into a state of unspeakable pain, and dizziness. the last thing he need to do is to re-dislocate my arm...which he did so the third time where he massage my hand, which i almost fainted from it. he pushed it back and allowed me to rest. i could not hear anything. now i understand why in movie show ppl in deep pain could not hear clearly. ya, thats the case now. lastly, he do light massage without all those bending and pulling...thank goodness.

anyway, i feel very blessed to have such friends tat are with me, supporting me yesterday. here's the list...if i did not put in your name, pls tell me...cos i may missed it out...sorry

Rui yong
Xi Ming
Nicholas
Wei yang
Kegan
Timothy
Eric
Cindy
Yan Bing
Serene
Jay
Tun jiang
Sabrina

but also, i was rather disappointed due to certain reason...well should be ok when i get over it ba... but THANKS AGAIN GUYS!!!!

Emotions

2008-08-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

Friday(08th of Aug)
It was a high day for everyone. everyone was like chatting and chatting and playing and playing. then, we started to cam-whore a bit. lol.

after that, we went to eat long john and raided the arcade...play and play and play. then, i dont know who is it, but she was like giving a i'm-not-scared-to-play silent hill attitude then when playing, she was like screaming. so damn cute la....lol :)

then, we went to give sh her EARLY birthday surprise, where she was so shocked that she kept kissing her pillow...lol...i will try uploading it soon. then we went to shop around far east where i get so shag, then we wlak to cineleisure and chat with sabi, then we ate sakae sushi beside glass house, then we cam whore a bit(a lot actually). we also get cindy a new watch.

Saturday(09th of Aug)
Today is my friend's Birthday. well, i want to wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and THANKS for the safe environment that she have provided me. Her name is SINGAPORE.

I basically wake you rather late today and came to realise that my relatives come to visit. so i basically waste the whole day talking, watching tv with them. well, it was fun. then, i watch the NDP2008. WOW for the fireworks seriously.

Sunday(10th of Aug)
well, today i woke up very late and rushed to the library. studied with KEGAN, CINDY, SH. well, sometimes we really want to squeeze Kegan to bits, but we didn't(tried very hard). well, after that i went to have a 'very' er-hmm dinner with kegan(due to the rest leaving either for home or family, thanks ar, lol), then we talk a little...and as usual we 'fought' at the bus interchange. lol, standard procedure, he is trying very hard to break that trend. lol

anyway, since my grandmother is living with us now(maternal side), i really want to share a little about her to everyone. let's just say that she is the BEST GRANDMA i could ever have, similarly for PATERNAL side too. but basically why i love her so much is due to the fact that she is always so understanding and nice to people, to me, and really try to keep in touch with you. the way she talk makes me want to talk to her even more and listen to her. i remember one time where she misunderstood me and she scolded me...then i showed her attitude, but i was very guilty to do so as she was very sorry upon knowing. i will never be able to forget that incident. i want to tell her how much i LOVE her, and how much i want to HUG her whenever i see her. :) THANKS GRANDMA!!!

Lost...

2008-08-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

why do things turn out so bad these two days?
-friday-
today i fought with my fren, my very close fren...the reason is silly but i dun know why will it turn out so bad...its about my happy-go-lucky character that what my fren said. is it really wrong to be someone like tat? i dun know.... but it hurts to find out that.

i was at class presentation when i present my part....instantly i felt useless. it was so obvious that i am not good with gp. what kind of presentation i am giving...call myself someone who can speak up easily...when actually wat i do is actually bored ppl cos i am too luo suo...hiaz...when everyone is doing so ya...i am not performing well...where is my standing in class man....

my mum fought very badly with my brother...she cried very badly too...i was very sad to see her like that honestly, feel like doing something...so went to console and hug her...little did i expect she push me away and say that i am shedding crocodile tears...imagine how hurt i am.

the string broke today.

-today-
i try to reason to my mum why we are always fighting, but she argue back and didnt listen to wat i am saying at all. i dun understand wat she is thinking, really. it hurts to see her like tat. even if i did not show her how much i loved her, i do...she thinks we dont. she is hurt cos we dun seem to get our mistakes, but doesn't it feel the same for us vice versa. if she want us to listen, listen to us too. we dun like the ' is for your own good' or 'parents are always right' concept. it does not hold. what i wish to have is to have us coming to the same level and listen to one another, not continuing hurting one another. i relaly hope she see this. cos i think it is better if she reads this, and not me telling her. but now, i am very sad.

Council

2008-07-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

Things nid to be updated in full soon
22nd of July(day b4 investiture)-
recieve lots of praise for the video and the new council song...feel very happy and honour. pubco outing was shopping spree, chaos in wallet shops.lol

23rd july-
investiture...very hectic... happy and sad, plus regretly cos never take pic with mum and wasnt able to pin the badge on steven. that was a wish ok...but it didnt came true.
lots of praise for video

24th july-
night study program... last time able to do umbrella service duty with farveen

25th of july-
taking mock paper with councillors...felt so close...packing council room...leaving with councillor....felt blessed

26th july-
bbq...very fun and happy...last event for coucnillors

LOTS OF EVENTS!

2008-05-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

24th of May

Today is cindy birthday.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! welll, today is really a weird day....full of surprises, sadness, happiness, excitement and emotions. well, for the sadness part...i am not going to talk about it. why? cos it is not worth the memory space for that, why not store it for better things...like happiness.

at changi, it is totally like a library...so quiet can....but it is an excellent place for cam whoring.

cindy got a free ice cream from the manager, and she help us to take a photo. then she ended by saying, "the photographer is so good".we laugh out loud.

cam-whore 1

cam-whore 2

cam-whore 3

at terminal 2...that cindy was taking picture with the sign...then we stand at nowhere to take...lol

i took yan bing's cap and play, then i take picture with her cap...hmm...not bad man....next time should take her cap more often....lol

23rd of May

GP Paper turn out ok....but i was quite stress the day before....its the first time though...but its good cos i did study for gp la...then aft that, got bio....and the seat i am sitting is like OMG...someone will cry if they have exam at that seat, cos it is so hot....aft that, cindy come and find me...but far,1808, bing called me and we quickly hurry to far east to buy her present while cindy emo away...lol...so bad...but is like fbi can... :)

22nd of May

kegan left his pencilbox at sanctuary and i took it to him...lots of funny stuff happen and once again, he treat me to mochi.... :) lol...he cna be the spokesperson of mochi already.

21st of May

today is a very short day, and i am so excited to go for investiture at TJC cos can leave school...anyway, i think tat it was rather impressive. the student council can garner lots of support from the school population and the president is very well liked....furthermore the school people are very friendly and very approachable....the plus plus point is the school abstract art is so coolllllllllll......BUT BUT BUT, i still LOVE PJC, my LOVE for pjc is NEVER DYING... :)

today is also SPORT DAY...so sad that i missed it man.

18th of May

today i went to study with cindy, as usual. but, kegan come and join us.....and study....then he drew something very very funny that i would like to share with you all...

TA-DAAAA!!!

spot the difference... :)

17th of May
today is college day and i have BIO TEST... so stress can.... omg...aft that, i enjoyed the whole college day...at night, i go to watch ironman with puisar, before tat, wilson tag along with me....to the cinema,lol....then i go for my movie....really really enjoyed it. the effects were damn cool....

anyway, could not get to JD, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

16th of May

can you imagine how stress i am today? i have three test....

first, econ test.....my clique is like making up our own theory while doing the paper....trying to make everything link up and packaged it very nicely.

secondly, i have gp aq test....and we have to write and write and write....lol...but its so difficult...

right aft that, i have to do my chem SPA retest....it was ok....quite happy as it turns out ok....but you know wat? i laughed during SPA....out loud somemore....lol... cos while writing KMnO4, i think of wat QL say to me earlier.... KNN04....lol....

15th of May

i sign out after chemistry today cos my neck is really really pain, so i went home to sleep...lol and see doctor... but anyway... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PS!!!

14th of May

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAISARAH!!! today we went for match support for volleyball...they win all three rounds....congratz :) quite cool, cos we miss chem SPA!!! YAY!

13th of May

i make a get well soon card for kegan...and he is touched...YAY! then cindy, yy, me went to long john to eat dinner....i ate cup noodles there...lol...we waited for kegan...and then we study for a while before going home....

11th of May

i went to study with the usual ppl....and kegan come along and he tot he was late...but he was onli late for 30min or a little more...he really dun know wat is late man???cos someone can relaly be late for hours...lol....at night he treat me to the movie,,, "What Happen In Vegas"...it is so so so nice...plus he treat me very nice that nite...aft the movie, he went to buy more mochi and treat me to two again...

9th of May

tonight the councillors play captain's ball agian....i was jumping and i landed while slipping on natalie foot and the whole knee skidded on the ground.....it was bleeding and i washed it away. someone helped me treat my wound...THANKS!!!

8th of May

at the sanctuary, i really want to slap ernest cos he is behaving so bad....but later he apologise and i still dao him....cos he very funny....so purposely a bit....lol! while having dinner with cindy and yan bing, we saw ciau er. she is very sad and all of us make a card for her at the library....then yb place it in her doorstep...cool!!!! then i went home with steven, and kegan....

6th of May

t0day is su wei's bday...haha...i definitely have so much fun.....acting to scare her...the plot is actually fighting with cindy and she was the centre of argument....then cool, then we act really real, till the point she is so afraid and along the conversation she kept telling me to chill and want to talk to me privately...lol..then suddenly a group of people appear...and me and cindy and the group sang a birtdhay song for her....then we celebrated...really have fun. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SU WEI!

BIRTHDAY SURPRIZE!

2008-05-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

today, i wake up feeling kinda emo. cos my phone isn't recieving any sms...then was kinda sad...then i realise it is due to my phone's problem of not able to recieve sms... then i tried a few times...then it work...so i could recieve sms again. then at 12, it is faulty again.

after tat, i packed my bag and start to leave for the library to look for cindy and yanbing. then, my mood is more worse cos i dun know who did wish me and i could not reply to them...so was pretty sad. then i totally become one living corpse walking down the aisle of the shops as they proceed to the kopitiam to eat. then they suddenly wanted to eat at long john, and i follow them there, sad and totally oblivious to what is going to happen next.

it was then my brain slowly picked up the sinal around me, candle litted up, a cake, a bunch of people ard me, familiar faces, then i realised i have been connedinto believing noone cared about my birthday. lol. at that point, i suddenly want to turn and walk away. besides being in the state of shock, i was touched. my group of people actually gathered for me, to sing a song for me. a birthday song. it was totally a dream come true...remember ytd i said that there was a wish i had, part of it is fulfilled at the place where i am standing then. i was totally taken aback and touched to the maximum. then they sang. seriuosly speakig, i didn't even clap at all...i was still shocked. then it got better when they sing to yanbing and pris. then, we blow the candles, eat the cake, chat, and eat lunch. after taht, farveen and steven left. the rest of us went to study at the library.

at night, cindy, bing, and me went to IMM to eat subway and took photo and have leisure chat.

To tell you guys the truth, this is THE BEST BIRTHDAY I EVER HAD. it is not the events that occur that make it happening and nice. it is the effort to make it successful, the feelings involved and the people in the event. i could see the effort, the happiness, the friendship right before my very eyes. even if this is a normal event, it has totally surpass any other extravagant event as the magic that you guys have gave surround me totally. thanks for everything, although nothing could repay back such effort but i want to say something again for eveything you have given me.

THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

till this point i wnat to show my APPRECIATION to certain people,

These are the people who are at the 'party':
Cindy- for coordinating this whole 'event' for me
Farveen- for contacting people to come down and making card for me
1808- for your care and concern
Sabrina- for always being understanding: BESTIES FOREVER
Peh Gek- for alway giving me support and celebrating with me
Priscilla- for your accompaniment in this year and your joy
Yan Bing- for your support and your encouragement
Steven- for celebrating with me and giving me little surprizes once in a while

These are the people who bought the gifts for me:
Natalie
Ciau Er
Priscilla
Wee Lin
Yan Bing
Farveen
Sabrina
Cindy
Seow Huan

MY BIRTHDAY!

2008-05-03T09:24:00.000-07:00

hmmm, actually my mood isn't really ready for the BIG day, just now, in school , sth make me rather sad. but i am rather ok now le. just now, its was really cool that the 8th and the Elects played together on the game of Captain's Ball.... really cool and really have fun...then a few councillors including me went to ten mile junction to eat and chat till they closed. DAMN COOL CAN.

but anyway, i do have a wish that is kept within me that make it so hard to be buried in, however, i am not going to say, but i just hope that it will come true, though i do not know the probability of it happening...lol...MATHS... also i have other wishes taht i hope that will come true as well, but i am not going to say as i must keep it a secret. LOL..

anyway i want to thank the following people who have wished me HAPPY BIRTHDAY, really APPRECIATED IT!!!

Sabrina
1808
Yue Ting
Qiao Ling
Kennia
Yue Fen
Su Wei
Steven
Cindy
Wen Yan (XIAO MEI)
Shi Jian
Lina
Priscilla
Wee Lin
Marcus
Leonard (XIAO DI)
Sherman
Pamela
Yan Bing
Joey
Kai Tian
Jeremy
Min Yi
Peh Gek
Farveen
Yang Yi
Maisarah
Solemon
Serene
Keith
Jing Da
Derek
Ciau Er
Natalie
Seow Huan
Izzati
Rui Yong
Mr Wong
Kegan
Wilfred
Shaun
Pui Sar
Mr Tan

I THANK you all for wishing me happy birthday, through calls, sms, or msn. thanks for everything and you all have made my day. THANKS!

The Day Before The Day

2008-05-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

Well, today i went to school feeling rather happy.

first, val brighten up my day by giving me a gigantic present with a card attached to it... i am really excited to see what is inside...it is actually a wrapped up board with the song we written over the years. i am very very touched for the fact she is the first to wish me plus she took all the effort to do it... THANKS VAL!

secondly, wee lin sms me tat chris wanted to pass me a mail and it is in her locker in the council room, then i went to pick it up. it is actually a birthday card from her...thats was nice of her as i do not expect a card from her... THANKS TOO!

then, Derek and his wife Cass also wish me happy birthday spontaneously... i was taken aback a little, cos i did not expect that from them too...so its kinda surprising and at the same time delighted to recieve their wishes. THANKS DEREK & CASS!

oh, also a few days back, i think is monday, joshua walk pass me and ask when is my bday, i was surprized that we have the same birthday....omg rite, but anyway, THANKS FOR WISHING ME TOO!

Council

2008-05-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

today mr tan sent us an email...and this is what i have replied him, to the councillor and to the elects. REMEMBER this guys, TAKE this with you as you move on.

there will always come a time where you guys will stop to think why should you continue, or should you just give up.
there will always come a time when you are affected by each other's action, where emotions struck you, where fights occur.
there will alway come a time where you guys will face tremendous difficulties, or starting to part. but, don't worry, you are not alone. there are always people with you, accompanying you, supporting you any time when you are going to fall.
and those people are no other than councillors and yourself.
don't let difficulties pull you down, let them make you guys stronger.
till the end of your road, don't be sad, but look back at the happy times we always had, not the obstacles.
SMILE ALWAYS.

Frens

2008-05-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

heard that cindy is not feelin too good, jia you if you see thsi message... do not give up cos you always have frens taht support you here. JIA YOU.

sh, dun be so sad.... i dun know why you do not want to tell me the problems you are facing and that i have to find out by means of words of mouth and your blog... but anywya, you always have me to talk to, to support you, JIA YOU too.

Leonard and Wen Yan

2008-04-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

this post is specially dedicated to my attachee LEONARD a.k.a my XIAO DI and WEN YAN a.k.a my XIAO MEI.

LEONARD
i am very delighted that he is being chosen as the PubCo head, maybe people will think why you will be happy when it is not you also ma. but, i just dun understand why i feel so delighted when mr wong tell me tat leonard is being chosen to be the PubCo head for the event. ok, maybe it was not due to me and his own skills to be a PubCo head but it still feels good to see someone attached under you to be prospering and achieving what he like. i am just very happi for him. CONGRATZ xiao di, if you ever see this. i hope you will continue to prosper and jia you in watever you do.

WEN YAN
i am very touched by the fact that she know when is my birthday, and vene concerning about me while i was at the camp. it is very heartwarming to knwo that our frenship is not just because of the attachment than we are obliged to talk with one another. it is because it is something taht comes from our heart, something tat we could not deny of when we are questioned. so i really want to thank her, for being there for me. i still remember during the SCAP round up session, when i walk pass her, as people are going to the people they want to thank. i heard her talking to leonard, saying something like "let's go find zr". upon hearing that i feel very assured. i was even happier when she said thta she made something for me but she didnt bring. even if i did not recieve it, the effort had come through already.

it is indeed a blessing to have them as your attachee. they are people, junior, friends, family memebers, that i do not wish to forget. the times we had, that time when we ate together. i will not forget for life. at this point, i do hope that you guys will succeed in the things you want to do... JIA YOU, you can do it, XIAO DI AND XIAO MEI!!!

Elects Camp

2008-04-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, its home stay for me today as i wasnt feeling too well today and i haven study till now...omg its already like 1.22 and i am still slacking and trying to finish typing this post. haven been able to post in a great deal of time as i am busy and stuff.... and my blog hit count is jumping so slowly....sian... means its officially dead by now.

well, lets just reflect on a few recent happenings for this past few weeks.

14th of april -

A special day of a few occasions. well, after school that day was pretty hectic as i have to do a few thing at one go. and i did something absolutely embarassing. Far and me was going to the LT4 toilet and when we are done, i suggested entering the lt4. upon seeing that the coast is clear, i pick up the mike and i say " far, lets sing ok?"

then Far suggest that i sing a song that i compose. seeing no harm in doing so, i started singing and when i sang to the last sentence which i ssuppose to sound like " I love you", i sang "I Lo-v....", and bang the lt4 door at the back swing open, anmd two guys come in. taken aback for both parties (My jaws are practically on the floor now), they said hi. before i knew it, i accidentally drop the nike, and i drag Far out by the front door. come on, Far was still like Hi-ing to them can? when i went out, even i dont need a mirror to realise that, my face was red. lol.

damn embarrassing can. after tat, i continue rushing for my following events ler.

The Week Before Elects Camp

we were all preparing for the last event and my committe and i was ensuring that we complete everything for broader perspective( amazing race's code name). and then, there is this council t shirt taht pubco was suppose to design and my design was selected but i dont know whether should i be happy a not. cos being selected means my work is recognised, but it also mean i have to do the design up on photoshop. but in the end, i did it and it was sent for printing. this week is pretty hectic as homework is like piling and piling and piling ( i could continue if i want to bu i guess i will stop here), and i am having difficulties completing it... BUT I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO ELECTS' CAMP MAN!!!

Below is the t shirt deisgn for the council shirt.

the FRONT

the BACK

Elects' Camp

The first day pass relatively ok as it mainly consist of talks and talks, and i was out the whole day preparing for the next day amazing race. around night time, i prepared milo, and i guess i was pretty bad at doing it, so i went to play the piano...(sorry CE for not completing my mission). anyway, Ms Tay was like pretty enthu in sharing some spooky stories with us but i stopped her because i am gong to be in the bio's girl toilet later and it is the most scary part of the school.

when it was time for me and pris to set up, and while travelling up with Sab and Izz, they are so worried, then they hug each other and walk in front of us, and i was rather speechless, as they should walk with us, so as to be last scared. lol. in the santuary, as they do not enter, Far enter and i followed behind but who know she kick somethinga dn the whoel chair fall on my leg. and there goes my leg and the next moment you see me on the floor, groaning. it was when the atmosphere lighten up a little.

Then, Pris and me are like WTH$&%^#&%& when we saw how dark the block was. but pris was like ok then we shone the torch then we walk to the toilet. in the toilet wasnt scary at all, cos we are so clumsy tat we laugh at one another and the whole atmoshpere lighten up. the setting up was hilarious and the first group that come in didnt get a scare cos me and pris was practically waiting for tehm to read the note but they didnt and they left. then me and pris just sat there in the cubicle. the second group didnt even come in can, cos i think they never see the arrow. lol. or they scared. then we restrategised then we managed to shock the next group a little, before WC spoil everything by pasisng ball back to us. the subsequent group are fun, as you can see that they are ABSOLUTELY scared and even GUYS ARE SCREAMING, and i was satisfied when i heard Uncle S scream and the look on his face is priceless. after nightwalk, we were satisfied as our station was said to be the most scariest.

amazing race was like totally cool cos i was the one who started the game off, and it was my teams work, but personally i think the third station is the best. cos they are all takan by the flour, and Jem, Dar and I were so sardist can. before that, we went to eat at mac and managed to arrive before the first group reach and we have absolute fun can. then we accompany jem go cut hair aft the event and when we reach the school, we are basically writing notes for one another like crazy. and i wrote one gigantic one for jeremy. then at night we go and eat. then go home sleep.lol.

After Elect Camp

the next day i wake up i feel very emo, cos it is like the end of all our events and we have to study and we will have fun in camp with one another anymore, joke and play together. so the whole day my head was practically drifting off to the past year. what we councillor do with one another. and i was kinda sad when i talk to a few councillors, some of them are not experiencing that feeling. so i dun why they are like tat. but i relaly treasure the time and how we survive through this together. councillor leaving from term to term, dispute occur, sometime i wish it will end quickly and we stand as one. just like wat the tshirt say " one council, one lifetime". our term is ending, the more we should enjoy the last few month we have together. i find back all of the notes i have last year from elects camp and pre u seminar. i was very touched by the words written for me. so i really hope that everyone should set our difference aside and stand as one. i even wrote a chorus for council.

"As the days goes by,
In my life, will it be the same,

Without you, how can i walk this path alone,

With you gone, who will give me strength to move on.

Will we set our differences aside,

When will we, realise the truth,

That is to have friends so true with you always,

Will we be friends, forevermore, from here."

Today(29th of april)

i am sick, thats why i am staying at home. so, i basiclaly just talk about the recent event, adn i have nothing much to say about today, but i jsut to wish happy birthday to yanbing and pris first for tmr is their birthday. so happy birthday!!!! may all your wishes come true.

i am very thankful to the few people who display their concern to me. they are:

Seok Hoon

Sabrina

Cindy Chua

Farveen

Steven

Wen Yan

Priscilla

ARGH!

2008-03-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

Well, i come to school feeling absolutely happi but ending the day feeling very emo...
well i have been feeling very emo these few day...which is not doing much good to me...but i just cant help it.

after morning assembly and as i proceed to class, sadness dawn onto me...class arrangement is rearraged and suddenly i feel that the clique that i am in is totally scattered. this bring me back to wat sherry ahve said sometime back. it started with 5 ppl, aft M left, u left with 4, now S goes with the guys, BL go for another group....left you two.... it was really sad to see tat happening. i was thinking taht perhaps this is all due to me, maybe it was me tat make them dun feel united? maybe it is me tat cause this difference in us? i really could not tell. although i appear as unaffected as possible, it never fail to surface to my vision.

it is then when we are told abt the calling up of parents if we do not perform and called us to think abt retaining or not. at first i did not pay much attention till one of my fren told me she feel like retaining, suddenly i was shaken. i have the same sentiment of wanting to do so....but i think back whetehr i shld do it or not... another part of me tell me that i shld not do it....however, the sight of my result dun seems to motivate me in any way. thus, slowly, this event linger in my mind too, resulting me feeling more emotionally than how i was originally.

upon the thought of meeting up with my elects to guide them on the speech sort of bring immediate relief...however, it was a twist of events and non of them turn up at the timeslot...i understand tat they are bz and stuff so i dun blame them....but i prepared stufff...and thus, i feel very stupid and useless then....i dun know how this link to the two word ....but that was how i feel....

i went to study and felt very emo cos three thing are pestering me a lot.....perhap due to tiredness...i dun know....but i accidently show attitude to Leo, Ste, and ZJ, so was feeling very sorry later on....

ya....and still feeling like tat till now....so i really wnat to finish this post to voice out all of my unhappiness...and so i told i will feel better, but not as much as how i tot it will be...but anyway...going do my homeowrk and finish it now le..

Sad

2008-03-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Feeling rather sad now...so just feel like posting a post to just let my emotions flow. recently a lot of thingshappen...and i have no time to post anything about it...but i promised once i got the photos, i will post it.

Lol

2008-03-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

Steven call me to take down the note...so ya... no more note....

Na, see no more le, steven.. dun nid scared ppl see. lol

GP PAPER and MT RESULTS!

2008-03-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

today i wake up and i was feeling terrible and my mum gave me a panadol, throughout the exam i was rather ok, until at AQ, i was feeling a little sleepy then i drank water and make myself awake and complete the paper...it was rather difficult. everyone come out of the exam hall looking like so sad like tat. i attended the math extra lesson, i was struggling to keep myself awake, cos the panadol is taking effect. then, we have to wait for the release of results and there are delays, seriously i am suffering there, and i could not take it anymore. i told my tecaher and she let me sign and take the result slip and i left for home. i took a cab home and there goes my 7.80 again. ytd i also cab home...altogether, 15.60.

anyway, in the midst of this day, there is again a group of ppl i wanna thank.
i wanna THANK-
Most of the councillors for your care and concern
Sabrina, QL, SJ, BL
SH for your care and concern
and those who have ask me whether i was ok.
THANKS PPL! :)

THANKS!

2008-03-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

theres a reason why cindy and yanbing and seow huan come into the picture. u see, i was suppose to have a consultation with my teacher at 3. however, after waiting for 30min, she finally come out with 2 other teacher. she told me she just come out of class and is seriously tired and hungry, plus her meeting is at four. so i got no choice but to let her cancel the consultation and change to next thursday, meeting her for a hour. so later, i was very emo and then i went up to the santuary to look for seow huan and lin zhong. then i saw cindy, then cindy console me...THANKS CINDY! and then, followed by seow huan and linzhong THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU. then i dont feel well, and i fell asleep in santuary till yanbing come and find me. i ams o sorry as i got stomachache and i have to take the cookie in my locker and gp file form council room, so i waste some of her time...sorry and THANKS again! my day, i mean my night was further brighten up when steven gave me a card, so this is how it goes and THANKS UNCLE STEVEN.

COOKIES!

2008-03-06T06:25:00.000-08:00

I was walking with QL and BL in the canteen to buy our food when i hear a resounding "AHMA". then suwei, shu yi and xue li was like where kegan, and kegan pop out of nowhere and jay come along. it was such a way that i got trapped there. somehow xi ming wasn't there. then, POOF! suwei gave me cookies (baked by suwei) in the plastic container decorated by shu yi....i was like totally shocked and then it turn to surprise, then happy, then overwhelmed, i could basically go on forever with the emotions. but anyway, it taste nice and i feel very honour and great as this gift, although simple, it is worth as much as a crumpler bag to me... i mean for example. cos the feeling attached with the gift from them is stronger than if it is just a bag...and i appreciated it, and i am at the loss of words. what i can do now is to say THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN for everything, ACMs :)

then later on in the day, i got sore throat and i was unwell. so i took a cab home. after bathing and drinking soup to fill the stomach, i came to write thsi entry but what gave me a better day is a note from steven, and it was especially touching. (basically it's hard to get sth nice from guys generally and for steven, it is two times as hard...jkjk) But jokes aside, i want to THANK HIM as well for the card.

the next time i post is probably after common test but i will try to upload pic of the gift i gotten today! YIPPEE... ACMs & STEVEN, you brighten up my day...and also YAN BING for accompanying me at night just now...and CINDY for cheering me and han :) I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

ARGH!

2008-03-01T10:55:00.000-08:00

Steven just delete my blog entry which i almost finish writing...he is so going to get it... :(

Emotions!

2008-02-23T11:02:00.000-08:00

Today I was overwhelmed with lots of emotions.

Low to High
One of the OGL of OG19 was sick and I have to stand in for her again cos WL will not be able to handle by her own. OG19 is a rather low in nature. Whatever I tried to do with them seems to be futile. Then I was quite sad that is it cos of me that wasn’t able to make them high. I spent a little time to sort out my feeling, then I switch to a very VERY high mood and they turn a little high after I motivate them. Later at the finale, they turn super high which was overwhelming and make me happy… they took lots of photos afterwards.

I suddenly learnt that that is no one approach in making thing happen, and for this scenario, sometime we must first be 10X of what we hope that ppl could be, and then u will see the difference …and I saw it happening, finally. That night I was very happy that I could do it, I could make it happen.

Sad to Happy
Yesterday I was rather sad of why everyone is getting accepted instead of my work. Then, I was like thinking whether it is worth all the sacrifices that I make. I was rather emo for that, it was not that I expected known appreciation for my work, well, maybe a little, but it does not feel good to be forgotten. Then, tonight, when the closing video is being shown, the photo montage being screened, I feel appreciated, the crowd of people that is engaged with the videos, laughing at the funny parts, enjoying the other parts, making it feel so real, so true. This is not any form of spoken appreciation, but it is stronger than any form of spoken appreciation- it is the enjoyment that I receive from their faces, that was the acceptance.

I learnt that we can’t expect everything that we do to be appreciated in front of our face and being told to you. Maybe, it is just a slip of mind, however, it is still very much appreciated by someone. Also, the best form of appreciation isn’t spoken, is only when u feel it coming unknowingly.

Speechless, lol!

2008-02-23T09:28:00.001-08:00

It has been a great deal of time ever since I have blog, and it is seriously collecting dust right now…sth really tells me that if I dun start blogging again, it will turn into an antique. That something is my last tag board entry- it dates back to 30th of January. How sad can it be? There are no more recent tags lol… means no one visiting my blog le. But anyway, today, sth very funny happen. Before leaving for school, I decided to bring the voodoo doll that I bought some time back in December when there is a discount. The reason is cos I left it there without doing anything to it. It is a luck charm. Ok, so my day goes on and I went to my first lesson with that doll. Then my eyes are itchy and I decided to give it a scratch and who knows…after a while the eyes turn swollen and it turns jellylike for one side and I am so totally scared. Izzati saw and she was like ‘eek, what happen to your eyes?’ having this disgusted-concern-helpless look in her eyes. I got more worried la. After that I told teacher and during my duty my teacher got my replacements and such and call me to see doctor….then I was touched by them, but at first I was totally overwhelm by it. But this is not supposed to be part of the story. And so the day passes on and I borrow the laptop from Wilfred to do the photo montage and it is not prosperous already cos I have not done a single part of the video yet. Then I need to do some other stuff and I walk away, calling Lina to look after at the floor. When I come back, it is gone. I was totally scared, cos LAPTOP IS NOT EXACTLY CHEAP. It was even half an hour later when I found the laptop tat is with Lina. LESSER TIME TO DO VIDEO. It was then I decide to keep the doll in my bag. After a while I took my bag and laptop to the grandstand for clan time. After that when we left for dinner, I felt that my back is a little damp. Then, I realize that the water in my bag had spilled. I was OMG-SPEECHLESS. Then, I was thinking, so is that a good luck charm or not…coincidence or not…but I ignore than I continue with my video. After that, everything went smoothly le…

Doing The Wrong Things For The Right Reason...

2007-12-11T04:18:00.000-08:00

"Doing the wrong things for the right reason."

Have you ever heard of this sentence and you have this big question mark on your face? Ya, I was in that situation before, but now i totally understand the meaning of it and i even was the one that did that sentence.

That sentence occur upon me on this fateful day 11 of Dec, it was supposingly the last day of my work. it is only because i didn't tell my boss that i am going to quit the job yet ...lol...

but anyway, that day i basically went down to work lor, and trying my best to make the best out of it, because even though i am working in the toys department, i am not happy at all. it seem that the supervisor is alway looking for my trouble and seems to want to find fault with me... this is all so tiring for me...

for those past incidents, let me forget abt it, till this very 'last day' of working there for me. everything pass by very peacefully for the entire working period until after that the boss assistant come down and arrange the goods with me, then he later ask me.

Joseph: Why did you put the good there, just leave it on the floor here.
Me: Huh, i can't leave it there, Mona( that supervisor) scold me say can't put it there de (when is actually her who place it there, and then she scold me).
Joseph: Nvm, onli one box onli.

Joseph: where is the eye-clops?
Me: I corps?
Joseph: Eye-clops, the magnifying toy?
Me: oh, in store mona say cant sell wat for put there, then call me put everything inside
Joseph: why you listen to her, she everytime like tat de, dun care her, is our product, must put.
Me: okok.

it was den i realise she is trying to get me into trouble lo, or is either she wants to make my things not to able to sell, so that she can say that i am not doing my job well...the thought of this irks me...

But this is not what i wanted to talk to you about, the real event that make me understand the sentence is when i wanted to make everyone at the counter happy as it was quite a normal day and everyone is very sian. then, i found this toy that i think someone left and hidden in the toy mess then i was like putting it straight up at the counter, then when i come back later, it fell. so i took a tape and stick it there. then later the cashier taht work for onli ard a week there, where i got more experience there, called me over, he is around ....i can't tell.. but is older than me obviously, than he scolded me.

Calvin: are the one who stick it there?
Me: ya, y?
Calvin: wat if customers complain abt it, who is going to take responsibility?
(who will like complain on such a thing la pls?)
Me: sorry lo...
Calvin: why must you do such a thing...promoter nothing to do is it...very free ar....den why we hire promoter, you work me call eileen? go and pack your stuff.
(anyway ...it is not U ALL who hire me and dun u dare question my abilities, ya i'm free so wat...cos i had finished up my job area, you didn't. and if eileen is some human resource personnel, i dun really care, dont u think so?)
Me: ok.....* stroll off and roll on eyes at him*

but seriously i was very affected by his word and i did sth with good intention but it backfire on me like this, ya . so thats the story. from that moment onwards, i no longer give a damn abt him anymore...

微笑pasta

2007-11-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

Yawnzzz, ai yo....so lazy to blog le lor....cos now in the watch drama shows mood....now watching
微笑pasta.... i know is a damn long ago show le la...but i onli watch it now. i tell you ar...you will never regret watching it ever. its like super nice... why onli 17 episode, shld be longer ma...they are like the best couple i seen lo.....不打不相识... lol.....watch it and know how nice it is....somemore ar....the song is super nice la...i now understand why there is such a song called xiao wu gui le....:)

Term is ending

2007-10-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

Oh my... the term is coming to an end already, however its feel like onli the starting to me...i got plenty of things that i want to do, however the term is like going to end tmr. these few days after getting the results, i feel rather emo, cos i feel that things are no longer to be the same again.

its really like the brutal fact that wasnt known to you being slap right in your face only now. we come to JC with the intention to make new friend, to foster more relationship with people, building strong friendship with people in the class.

now we are going to end the term, knowing that friends that we made for the whole year will not necessarily be the ones staying with throughout the two years of JC.

now, we are ending the term, knowing that we may lose some clique members and the feeling felt is very strong.

actually, its up to this point where i think that i will miss some of my clique members when they are gone, if they are going to leave the school to somewhere else. although whatever i say may not be able to make them stay, however in the heart, there are lots of reluctance and stuff. but we cant, just because of ourselves, we force them to stay har? no one cant be so selfish.

i dont know why i got this strong feeling for this clique this time round, weird har. i dont know whether they feel any way like this a not. but that time, seeing them sad really make me sad. this is me, i cant see my friends sad, if not i will emo de. haha.

i decided to make some note-in-bottle for them. however, they have various different feelings when they recieve it from my hand. i am thinking whether the effort i put in, get the desire results. i hope i will.

there are still plenty of ppl i will miss and i dont know what i will do if i never met them. besides that, i hope that things will still remain relatively the same for the coming months and years. i will MISS u guys lots anyway!!! JIA YOU, we rock! CONCENTRATE on PW and MT first, lol...

Recent Happenings

2007-10-08T02:01:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...wow...its going to be two months since i blog. i sneezed a couple when i visited the site....this blog need some serious dusting.haha

kk, let me talk about my promos.
...hmmm, last paper ba...after the mcq, we rush to squeeze in some last minute info of bio, my god, in the rush we come into the examination hall with everyone ready to start the paper. really horrifying event man.

the reason why i haven blog for ages even after my promos is because i am:
playing maple...
and watching 终极一家. my god man...you should really really go and check that show out man....

cool powers and everything...today i sure update my links corner....i can say that half of it is unwordable links already haha....

anyway, last friday, which is 5 of october, i got the first sport gold medal in my 17 years of life....for volleyball..so happi. and val wasnt paying the least attention to what i am saying for the match cos....

...i only can say that she is too engrossed in her own world....haha....till then...BYE!

Lastest happening

2007-08-08T08:04:00.001-07:00

Firstly, a brief summary...

Do Annoucement for three days (Well, except for the last day due to some reasons...haha)
Deco-ing SC board ( The feeling is remarkable when you are able to do things together with a group of ppl with the same interest. The attachment of bonding is there plus the gratification when ppl like your design of your board. Or even if they stop in their tracks and look at it even once. It would then be wonderful.)
Open House ( Enjoy myself completely even if they responce wasn't very good. 710 was damn angry that day also....relax gal)
Celebration for National Day

Talking about the celebration, what make me most touched is when the performance of "3 hearts, 1 beat". It give me a lot of emotion suddenly and make me more appreciative of racial harmony all of a sudden....Random har...haha...then ltr went out with SH. Actually want to wtach movie de...but...but..but.... in the end never... haha...then we just went shopping around lo and look for one place to eat then went home...but wats impt is the accompany...XD

No Chao Tah Allowed

2007-07-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

It was a cool afternoon which is just after the rain with a little drizzle. When everyone would like to snuggle in their bed, GUESS wat? S02 was having PE, and the best part is I brought everything except my PE shirt. WOW, best of luck man. I went to that Chao Tah Man (CTM) and told him that i did not bring my pe attire, in the midst when he was giving instruction. That CTM stared at me and call me to sit. And you know wat? I sat and ignore his emotions that are now overflowing. Angry, i guess. Who cares?

Then he say, " Come class, today we are doing GYM training. Get into groups and go in when you decide what body parts you wanna train" (He is just a relief teacher).

"Gal, sit properly." ( Walao, helo, you Prev. Why would u notice if you never stare at other ppl's leg. Disgusting man)

We dispersed into our individual groups then went in. When its our turn, I told him, " We go in have a look then we see wat parts we wanna train lor."

Then hor, its either i am imagining or his eyes are too big. He stared at me lay, and ask me "Wat is your problem? Go stand there"

When he came and talk to me, he asked the same question again. ( Helo, get to the point already) Then he say till like i give the class a bad impression like dat. Then say " Media Director, is this the way you carry yourself? You better watch the way you carry yourself?)

I kept quiet.( But actually i want to tell him, " hello you cant carry yourself. you own self try, if can share your secret man....i also wanna learn) he then call me to get in. My mood not very good le ma. then i stand there a while. he came beside me and want to enter, he then say " if you dont want go in, then get out". (Hello, i am still not in how to get out, CTM!!!).

After thinking twice, I decided to enter. haha. Thanks to 710, SJ, Mabel and BL for being there, plus Sherry and NaNa. Thanks ppl. XD

Bird

2007-07-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

It was during lunch if I remember clearly. 710, BL, Mabel, SJ and Me was queueing up to buy our chicken rice. Just when we finish buying, we wanted a few bowls of soup too ( not as if we are gluttons or anything, we have 5 MOUTHS to feed here, hello?!!), then i stayed with the rest of them while SJ returned back to the table with his food and mine.

This come the best part, he placed it down, turn back a little and ...
(Everything happen so fast, i was like *no word can express my feelings totally)

The bird flew with a velocity of 5000km/h on a bearing of 225 degrees. darting towards my food, grabbing a piece of chicken in its mouth, and take off.

The taking off was extravagant. Try picturing that, it might be too much to handle. Bending its leg a little, its pushes itself off the table HARSHLY. (Why harshly? Cos when I came back, there are rice spillage on the table). Flying away to the nearby ground and leaving helpless SJ frantically staring and waving his hand at the food, it chewed on the food while keeping an eye on ME. (That's what I think, cos it will be so scared that i will replace the stolen chicken with itself.)

I was shocked at first. But thanks ar, Mr/Ms Bird for stealing my chicken, i have to buy a new plate. So damn pissed man, I was like scolding the bird man. But steal, I must forgive the bird. Why? This is because it was its first time stealing food I guess. If it was a pro, it will steal wth no flaw. however, it make a big mess on the table instead. HahA. Anyway, gtg...BB!!! XD

PS: In conclusion, the bird steal my $1.20 cos I hav to buy a new plate.

Becoming Mechanical

2007-07-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

Oh My God, the stress is like 'wow'. Its like so much things to do with so little time to complete them. this is going to be a very short post to make up for the post that i was not able to do so on previous day and to write down on what is happening to me. i dont think i have any time to do anything (not even blogging) for this week le, so I think blogging has got to wait till the end of the week where all the stress is going down. Also, previously I did not blog is because I was feeling rather down...long story...i think i will leave it to the end of the week to share as well. Till then.

Word And Quotation Of The Day, And Horoscope

2007-07-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

Solecism
Definition:(noun) A socially awkward or tactless act.
Synonyms:faux pas, gaffe, slip, gaucherie
Usage:She smiled again, turned, and walked away, leaving George to reckon up all the social solecisms he had contrived to commit in the space of a single moment.

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.
Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864)

Horoscope (Taurus)
Things in the love and romance department should be going pretty well for you at this time, dear Taurus. This is the time to probe deeper into your current affair with whomever it is that catches your eye. There is a greater sensitivity to your emotions today, and you may find yourself holding back a bit more than usual. An air of mystery and intrigue will surround you, drawing others towards you like a moth to a candle on a dark night.

19/07

2007-07-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the best time of my life, because of student council investiture.

-end class as early as 11.30
-sing praises of best invest yet, gd vid
-when out eat dinner, share with jere fish curry , damn nice can....then play with pris
-cheer cheer take pic take pic

Today
-kinda angry in the morning
-Someone being rather nice today
-photo taking, havoc man
-miss half an hour of bio
-rain rain rain
-pe lesson rock
-santuary duty, crawl here and there
-know new fren form ctss called fadly
-went home with sh but nid to go halfway

*Sorry for the inconvenience caused, the post is still yet to be refined. Pls spare my some time*

Word And Quotation Of The Day, And Horoscope

2007-07-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

Ragamuffin
Definition:(noun) A shabbily clothed, dirty child.
Synonyms:tatterdemalion
Usage:The wealthy bachelor had pity on the ragamuffin and handed him a wad of bills, instructing him to buy himself dinner and a new coat.

I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created parasitic wasps with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of Caterpillars.
Charles Darwin (1809-1882)

Horoscope (Taurus)
You have the sensitivity to pick up on what is going on in every situation you encounter today, dear Taurus. What you are apt to find are powerful emotions coming into conflict with extremely strong opinions. Welcome to the battle between the head and the heart. On this day you may be more apt to side with the heart. Realize that this arena is quite heated, and that the forces at work are extremely stubborn.

Hiaz...

2007-07-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I dont have the answer as to why i am so hyper in school, perhaps i know the answer. Subconsciuosly, i want to express myself totally when i am happy to cover up my sadness....I think thats rather relevant, isnt it?

Word And Quotation Of The Day, And Horoscope

2007-07-13T08:28:00.000-07:00

Credenza
Definition:(noun) A buffet, sideboard, or bookcase, especially one without legs.
Synonyms:credence
Usage:There was no room on the dining table, so they placed the desserts on the nearby credenza and encouraged their guests to help themselves to cake.

Men create gods after their own image, not only with regard to their form but with regard to their mode of life.
Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC)

Horoscope (Taurus)
You might look around your house today and think of some new and exciting ways in which you could spruce it up a little, dear Taurus. Perhaps some new paint, or wallpaper, or carpet, or even some small art object could make a big difference, and you'll want to try it. A romantic partner could spend a lot of time working on this with you and this might well bring you closer together. Have fun!

What Day Is It Today?

2007-07-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

Oh My God lah....today was like so horrible man
List of things that happen to me
12am-Doing survey questions, fell asleep till next morning.my parents switch off the com...
6am- my phone batt died
7.++am- teacher caught me for long hair and if it is alreday so, she would hav caught me a few days ago what
9.++am- Get scolding by teacher for talking in class
10am- help fren buy food at vending machine, the machine spoilt and the coin get stuck inside. say 'bye' to the coin
10.35am- return to class with some 'Corntos', somewhat like twisties, offer some to my friend, snoelace caught under class. almost fell but supported by table, but around one quarter of food flew out!!!

and heng ar....the rest of the day go rather smoothly le...went out with lewis and beilin to eat long john with several other addition of my classmates, but overall its quite fun. then return back to school for student council investiture at 3 plus...and it last till nine. so thats all about it for the day i guess. anyway i want to thank my dad for waiting almost one hour or so at the carpark to pick me up from school today...thanks dad...

Word And Quotation Of The Day, And Horoscope

2007-07-05T07:12:00.000-07:00

Pedicab
Definition:(noun) A tricycle (usually propelled by pedaling); used in the Orient for transporting passengers for hire.
Synonyms:cycle rickshaw
Usage:Boys who once pulled rickshaws now pedal pedicabs.

Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

Horoscope (Taurus)
Take a break from the seriousness that has prevailed over the past couple of days, dear Taurus. You will find that upbeat conversations are the way to navigate through the day. You might notice that communication is much more active and that words are especially effective. Talk and people will listen. Listen and people will talk. The conscious exchange of ideas is critical on a day like this.

Word And Quotation Of THe Day, And Horoscope

2007-07-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

Subterfuge
Definition:(noun) Something intended to misrepresent the true nature of an activity.
Synonyms:blind
Usage:The manner in which he said this made Ned feel sure that Tom had had other thoughts, and that he had used a little subterfuge in his answer.

Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life will become a beautiful success.
Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888)

Horoscope (Taurus)
Little voices are whispering in your ear today, and it could be that they are asking you to lift off the ground and join them in the clouds, dear Taurus. You might get the feeling that there is a great deal of tension between what your heart has to say versus what your mind has to say. Don't be surprised if the energy of the day leaves you in a muddle of confusion by the time the sun sets. Take deep breaths and don't stress about making hard decisions or commitments.

A Packed Day

2007-07-04T07:46:00.000-07:00

My god, I woke up a bit earlier than I was the day before and turned up in school later than expected a little. If not for my father driving speed, I might as well be late. Thank Goodness!!! However the madness didn’t seem to end here, as soon as I got into school, I have to perform my CM duty. After which, throughout the day, I am rushing through to get my file done which I was not able to do so. The panic really begins in Chinese class when the teacher wanted to collect the file. I was like “Oh my god, I think I am like really going to die, what should I do?”

However, this wont help a bit as eventually I was trying to find all the worksheets and sorting them into the right places and trying to get all the blank questions to be filled up. Feeling kind of bad to make the Chinese representative wait, I decided not to do and just submit up my file. If you think that the story ends here, no way! I need to complete yet another book review which I spent hours before my council time to do it. When I was done, the dry run for the council investiture was about to start. So I think people reading this get the main idea of it, therefore I think I would stop here.

Anyway, today I got back 2 of my results, which is chemistry and mathematics. I breathed easy when I found out that I actually passed my chemistry, but it was sad that I only passed the paper. I studied for around two weeks to prepare myself for the exam but not really focused, so I think that I am the one to blame for this result though. For mathematics, I just need one more mark to get A. to me, I was rather disappointed because it was the subject that I believe that I can do well in, but again I think it’s my fault as I did not handle my time well to have enough practice on mathematics.

Lastly, today I gotten a bit emotional because of something plus it get a bit worse due to another thing that happen. However my friend in council sort of consoled me, so I get all up better. So this is about it. 180890 also got a bit sad tonight so I think I will wish that she will cheer up soon ok. I will be here for you no matter what happens alright? Cheer up, because you can’t be sad. It’s only the start. For butterflies to turn into its enchanting stage, they must too undergo the long and torturing stage of their metamorphosis. Therefore because of this, you must be even stronger to get your desired outcome.

Word And Quotation Of The Day, Horoscope

2007-07-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Abridgment
Definition:(noun) A shortened version of a written work.
Synonyms:condensation, capsule
Usage:In a word, I gave him an abridgment of this whole history; I gave him a picture of my conduct for fifty years in miniature.

"I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave."
E. M. Forster (1879-1970)

Horoscope (Taurus)
Don't expect a great deal of sensitivity from others when it comes to issues having to do with love and beauty today, dear Taurus. People are apt to be off in their own little worlds, and it may be hard for you to relate to them at this time. Trying to bring others over to your point of view may not be impossible, but it may end up being quite difficult, and more importantly, not worth the effort.

Word and Quotation of The Day, and Horoscope

2007-07-02T07:50:00.001-07:00

Contraption
Definition:(noun) A device that is very useful for a particular job.
Synonyms:gizmo, appliance, contrivance, gadget, widget, gismo, convenience
Usage:He turned the contraption around and around in his hands, not believing that such simple, small thing could save lives.

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating--people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Horoscope (Taurus)
A lover or close friend may seem to have dropped out of the picture, and this could have you worried, confused, and wondering if this person isn't interested in continuing the relationship with you. Don't let yourself fall into this trap, dear Taurus; your insecurities would only be getting the best of you. The person has his troubles and will eventually want a strong and sympathetic shoulder to cry on. You are likely to be that person!

As The Dandelion Seeds Flew

2007-07-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

“Like the seeds of the dandelion cloud, blown apart and flying towards their new future. Though roads may be tough, though skies may be rough, be strong and persevere through, your destination is near.”

This is a phrase that I thought of after reading the article on dandelion before writing this post that was meant for the start of 2007. As some may know, this blog is really new and for the year of 2007, I have not yet set up a blog to pen down my thoughts. It was really till recently that my friends that have a blog going on that make me interested in it. Perhaps, I must say that it is due to my subconscious need of being heard and expelling all my clogged-up emotions that had been lying in there for the past few months. Enough of this small talk, I think I should start depicting my story, my experiences and my adventure for these few months.

Actually, the human mind is a really an extraordinary part of oneself. Normally, it selectively sieve out the memories that you have within, pick out those that leave a great impact on yourself and digest the remaining tiny, little bits of insignificant information. My memories of first three months dated back to the point of time where we had our orientation. My friends and I were the only two that went to PJC, however somehow we were separated into different groups while some of the people from the same school were able to get into the similar one. At that point of time where my friend and I parted ways to find our groups, I was rather nervous even though I was able to conceal it successfully. That was the time where I felt alone when I was trying to find my group. However, I must still give credit to that loneliness that accompanied me then. Whenever I felt lonely, I will go over to my friends group, causing me to know people from the two groups which really benefited me a lot. Back at my group, I also made friends that I was able to express myself fully to. Furthermore, the bridge that connects us together was our strong passion for music. They were the first friends that I had made in PJ, for that I thank them. They were the ones whom I could always look forward to whenever I am feeling down, for that I thank them again. Also, for the friend that have accompanied me in PJC and staying by my side during school times, I thank her as well. Without this, I will not be able to stay so strong and push myself toward the goal that I had wanted all along.

According to one Chinese saying, there isn’t a banquet that never ends on Earth. In this first three months, I had known a lot of friends but most of them did not stay in PJ. Even though, this event make me a little disappointed but I was too happy for them to be able to go to a better school and make some choices of their life. For me, I believe that little friends remaining in PJ doesn’t unnecessarily mean that it is a bad thing. However what one of my friend say is rather true, “Out with the old, in with the new.” This will only make my life more experienced and allow my social circle to further broaden.

After the first three months, I was rather grumpy about my new class but soon, I was able to adjust myself into the new environment. Once again, I tried making new friends and tried new methods in getting to my goals. As for my CCA, I chose to go for student council, mainly due to the fact that I really enjoyed myself in SCAP and made a lot of friends, both including scappers and non-scappers.
Some people actually still ask me why I chose to go PJC instead of JJC as I am living in Jurong area even though I can make it to both. My answer is really direct at times, where I just tell them that I prefer the environment here better. This is pretty much true. However, one reason that I did really put a lot of stress on is that I think that PJC is able to provide me and equip me with more experience than anywhere else. This is nothing to do with other schools, nor the people there, but the reason lies on me as I truly believe I can develop more than just merely in studies in PJC. The reason why there is little mention of life after first three months was that I wanted to give it detail in the subsequent entries. Though life isn’t a stroll in the park, but it's near there for this half year or so, and till now, I enjoy myself a lot. For this, I would want to thank everyone that left even the slightest footprint along my side while I was walking on my life path for this half year.

The Pain Through 2006

2006-09-24T02:27:00.000-07:00

Come to think of it, this year of 2006 is really challenging for me. It’s challenging in the way that it’s not only full of obstacles but it’s a year that bring me lots of tears, sadness and everything. It’s a year where things really seem to be falling apart for me and one really close fren of me. Together, we stand and fight and each and every time, when one deadly wave died off, the other arrived and crashed down on us. This was the cycle that had been driving our lives for the whole year. Now thinking back, I would relive the whole year, undoing all the mistakes that I have once done, and fulfill the dreams that I was able to but I never did. However, it is really a slap-in-the-face kind of reality where nothing can be change, can’t it?

Many times we had heard people telling one another how they hope their life could be the way they wanted, but it did not due to certain reasons. Isn’t it depressing? Come to think of it, in the end you are the one and only that is taking our life choices, your path and everything. Along the path, there may be many repercussions which each and every one will definitely leave certain injuries in your soul. This is where little angels come into the story- friends. They are the ones who, in time, take care of all your injuries one by one. However, in the path of everyone’s lifetime, there is always a twist to it. This is the point where some angels turn their backs on you, some turning into devils that might do things that hurt you, injure you or even opening up the wounds that you already have, or in time, some will lose touch with you, disappearing into the depths of the forest.

This is where you are again once alone, crying, dying or fading into the darkness, forever and ever. Is there no way to change your destiny at all? Will must one always be the cog of the machine, where one is being turned around, not the other way round?

These are certainly hard and brutal facts that I have learnt throughout this one year, where most are the memories are merely just pollutions that disturb my soul every time. After this lesson, it’s really proper that I should present in first of me a vague timeline of what happen to me. Why vague, one may ask? Actually, it’s not done on purpose. Perhaps, maybe these memories are too hard to accept in myself that it had to be forgotten. Some of the memories may be mere posts of previous blog or it may take the form of an account.

In early part of the year,

“Social outcast... useless...extra... he doesn’t seem to remember his name at all already because his name had been replaced by all sort of pathetic and hurtful names in his whole life.”

“Cold. Just like the ice cap in Antarctica
Anger. Just like the fiery fire that will never died out.
Loneliness. Just like the pin in the bottom of the sea.
These are the strong feelings that are building in his heart...
But is there anyone to show his any sympathy or love?
Does he have the courage to carry on?”

Mid-year,

“Why nobody believe what I say? I did not do it. Why? Why did that monster accuse me for doing something bad to it? Why did the teacher believe it? Are they blind? They gave a hope and yet destroyed it. They build the staircase to acceptance for me but demolished it when I am climbing up just with an accusation. They believed it but not me. Why? Look at it...look at its action....Why you are blinded by its lies. Those lies harmed me forever....How could I survive....Who is going to come to save me now??? ”

After mid-year,

Many flashbacks coming back to my mind again, including those that happen to me a few years back. Those are really some pretty memories that surrounded me. Those that cause me to be someone good, someone wanting to do a lot of stuff, which I am not able to. To think, a sudden gust of sadness overwhelmed me once more, with that I drift to sleep every night.

Approaching end of year,

“why do people always think that it is my fault when something happen...fine if this is the case....I am sorry...all my fault okay...shall I tell you what happen....oh...maybe not...cos everything my wrong I start first....don’t anyone ever believe...luckily...my friends was there to console...nobody know the whole story...why he was caught in some problem...some people simply just say...forget it...he got his retribution already....do I look like those kind of people who revenge on my friends...why do I offer my help then when no one notices...what do I have by me....no one …no one..”

These are some of the things that affected me through this year, which many was not spoken of. One of which that left the most impression on me that was not sorted within the timeline was because this is one thing that I could never bring myself to forget. I vividly remember how each and every single word has stabbed me hard inside. Before assembly, apparently, we come late into the hall due to some official matter, but then, was called back by one teacher (him, for whom, that made my life that miserable), to se him after assembly. During the assembly, other few come in but was not bothered of. During the meet, he proclaims that we were the last one to enter hall. I was dumbfounded then. Firstly, was it because of me that my friends were pulled into this? Secondly, was it because those guys were from his CCA and therefore he feigned ignorance?

I told myself not to believe, not to think about the first choice at all…

However, his words and actions shown me that both were actually answers to that question. None of which were multiple choices. Or should I say, there isn’t one to start with. Maybe, it was all along my own thinking that teachers would try believing me? No, that isn’t going to happen! Although our reasons are more than valid for him to release us, he did not. He stare at him, and as for me, I didn’t want to look at him, which I turn away slightly. He demanded an apology form us, fro which all of us say together, however he target me, he release the rest, and demanded yet a few more apologies from me. It was then I threw my pride away and did what he wanted me to. When he released me, I went to my friend, dropped my stuff and walk briskly away. It was then when I was walking where the soul could release all its emotion. Why did he do this to me? I really don’t know but it seriously affects me. A lot.

For me, these are just memories of the past. however theses memories are not just memories. Sometimes, when I am down, these memories return to haunt me and they appear too real for me to accept…with little friends that are close to me at that point of time truthfully.

However these are all the past for this year 2007 has arrived. I met a lot of new friends and I am really trying to be part of their lives and I really hope to provide them with all the help they need. Though this entry is dated last year, however it is actually written this year, 2007 if anyone gets confused. That was apart of me then, for now, I hope to be the one that I was never able to be back then, during the hard times that I was being through. As for my closest friend that been through this as well, Jia You! For you know that if everything is not going well for you, the someone that will never walk away from you is me. And for this friendship, let us walk through the forest of sadness.